I WAS SO EXCITED FOR MAY TO COME. SINCE APRIL 3 WHEN I READ THAT EMAIL THAT I HAD WAITED 5+ YEARS TO HEAR OR READ, "YOU HAVE BEEN CHOSEN"
LET ME GO BACK JOSH AND I WILL BE MARRIED THIS AUGUST 16 YEARS. ALL I HAVE EVER WANTED WAS TO BE A MOM WHEN I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL MY COUNSELOR WOULD ASK WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP I WOULD SAY A MOM, AS A YOUNG GIRL I LOVED PLAYING DRESS UP WITH MY DOLLS AND ALSO PETS SORRY ANIMALS I WOULD PUT DIAPERS ON MY DOGS AND PUSH THEM AROUND IN A STROLLER, AND HAVE THEM SUCK ON BOTTLE'S. JOSH AND I HAD PLANS TO HAVE 4 KIDS WHEN I COULD NOT GET PREGNANT I WENT TO MANY DOCTORS THEY SAY THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH JOSH AND I SO WHEN WE WHERE MARRIED FOR 9 YEARS WE FINALLY PUT OUR PAPERS IN TO ADOPT. I HAVE ALWAYS LOVED ADOPTION I HAVE 3 COUSINS THAT WHERE ADOPTED (ONE DIED @ 3 FROM CANCER) THAT WAS SO HARD, JOSH COUSINS ADOPTED, ALSO JOSH SISTER HER FIRST WAS ADOPTED, THEN WAS ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN OF THERE OWN. BUT NOW THAT WE HAVE ADOPTED ZAK I LOVE IT EVEN MORE, IF IT WAS NOT FOR THESE BIRTH PARENTS AND THERE FAMILY'S I WOULD NOT BE A MOM WHEN
ZAK WAS BORN THAT WAS ONE OF THE BEST DAYS OF OUR LIVES HIS SWEET BIRTH MOM MELISSA AND HER FAMILY ARE SO SPECIAL TO US AND MY FAMILY THESE BIRTH FAMILIES BECOME OUR FAMILY. WE DECIDED TO PUT OUR PAPERS IN AGAIN TO LDS WHEN ZAK TURNED 0NE WE DID NOT KNOW HOW LONG IT WOULD TAKE, SO WE PAID LDS OUR MONEY AND STARTED THE WHOLE PROCESS AGAIN, I WILL NOT LIE THERE IS ALOT OF PAPER WORK THAT HAS TO BE DONE, HOME STUDY'S, DOCTORS APPT, THE LIST GOES ON BUT YOU JUST DO IT CUZ YOU KNOW THAT WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO. IN JUNE 2012 WE DECIDED TO GO WITH A PRIVATE AGENCY I CALLED THEM AND FELT REALLY GOOD ABOUT THEM ITS FUNNY A COUPLE YEARS AGO MY SISTER FRIEND TOLD MY SISTER WE SHOULD GO WITH THIS AGENCY BUT AT THE TIME WE THOUGHT NO, THEN IN MARCH OF 2012 MY SISTER IN LAW TOLD ME SHE HAD A FRIEND THAT WORKED FOR THIS AGENCY. I STARTED WORKING ON OUR BOOKS IN JUNE, THERE WAS MANY PRAYERS THOUGHT, WORRYING, WONDERING. WE DECIDED TO HAVE ME MAKE OUR BOOK AND AS I TALKED WITH THE AGENCY THEY SAID THAT MOST PEOPLE DO SHUTTER FLY BOOKS, IT WOULD COST US ABOUT 400.00 TO DO THE SHUTTER FLY BOOKS, I FINALLY FINISHED THE BOOKS IN OCTOBER, MY SISTER TOOK THEM WITH HER TO ST GEORGE I KISSED THEM OFF WISHING US LUCK! WHEN WE FILLED OUT THE PAPER WORK WITH THIS NEW AGENCY THEY LIST ALL THE MANY DRUGS, AND ALCOHOL AND OTHER THINGS ON THEM WE DID NOT MARK ANY DRUGS, OR ALCOHOL SMOKING ETC SO WE KNEW THAT WE MIGHT HAVE TO WAIT A LITTLE LONGER. SO THE END OF MARCH I CALLED THE AGENCY TO FIND OUT WHO MY CASE WORKER WAS CUZ OURS HAD MOVED, WHEN I DID THEY TOLD ME THE DIRECTOR WAS OUR CASE WORKER, SHE THEN TOLD ME THAT THERE WAS A BIRTH MOM THAT MATCHED WITH OUR PAPER WORK, WITH NO DRUGS, SMOKING, ALCOHOL WHEN I HUNG UP THE PHONE I KNEW THAT WE NEEDED PRAYERS SO WE TOLD A COUPLE PEOPLE IN OUR WARD, AND OF COURSE ALL OF OUR FAMILY'S TO PRAY FOR US AND THIS SWEET BIRTH MOM AT THE TIME WE DIDN'T KNOW HER NAME, WE EVEN FASTED. MANY PRAYERS WHERE SAID ON BEHALF OF OUR LITTLE FAMILY! AND IF YOU ARE READING THIS AND ARE ONE OF THEM THANKS SO MUCH WE KNOW THAT IT WAS THE POWER OF PRAYERS THAT CHRISTINA WAS BROUGHT INTO OUR LIVES. WHEN I WOULD HAVE DREAMS I WOULD DREAM OF A GIRL WITH DARK HAIR AND DARK EYES SO ON APRIL 3RD WHEN I READ THE EMAIL THAT WE HAD BEEN CHOSEN THAT THE BIRTH MOM WAS HISPANIC AND THE BIRTH FATHER, I KNEW THAT THIS WAS THE SPECIAL LITTLE GIRL I HAD DREAMED OF, WHEN I GOT DONE READING THE EMAIL I WAS CRYING SO HARD I THOUGHT THIS IS FINAL IT, I RAN DOWN STAIRS SAYING ZAK SHE CHOOSE US HE WAS JUMPING UP AND DOWN, THEN I CALLED JOSH, WHEN I CALLED HIM I COULD NOT TALK HE THOUGHT SOMETHING WAS WRONG WITH ZAK OR ME, I WILL NEVER FORGET THAT DAY, AND HOW HAPPY ME AND MY LITTLE FAMILY WAS AND BOTH OF OUR FAMILY'S. WE HAD WAITED SO, SO LONG JUST LIKE WITH ZAK, I CALLED OUR CASE WORKER SHE TOLD ME THAT HER CASE WORKER WOULD CALL ME, MY MOM AND SISTER WHERE DYING MY MOM WANTED TO COME OVER BUT SHE DID NOT HAVE A CAR, MY DAD HAD TO TAKE HERS AS HIS WAS IN THE SHOP, I TOLD HER I WOULD COME AND GET HER I TOLD HER WELL MAYBE I SHOULDN'T CUZ WHAT IF THE CASE WORKER CALLS IT WAS SO HARD FINALLY AT 3:00 I CALLED MY CASE WORKER SAYING I HAD NOT HEARD FROM HER SHE SAID SHE WILL CALL SHE HAS BEEN REALLY BUSY, I TOLD HER TO HAVE HER CALL ME ON MY CELL PHONE, I WENT TO MY SISTER TO SHOW HER SOME OUT FITS I HAD, I FORGOT A COUPLE OF DAYS BEFORE WE GOT THE CALL I STARTED PUTTING OUTFITS TOGETHER, ALL WE KNEW WAS THAT A BIRTH MOM WOULD BE LOOKING AT OUR BOOK, AND THAT SHE WAS DUE IN MAY, MY MOM CALLED AND ASKED WHAT I WAS DOING I TOLD HER SHE SAID EM THEY HAVEN'T EVEN CHOOSE YOU YET, BUT FROM THE FIRST TIME WE FOUND OUT THAT THERE WAS A BIRTH MOM GOING TO BE LOOKING AT OUR BOOK WE SAID A PRAYER SAYING FATHER IN HEAVEN WE LEAVE IT IN YOUR HANDS WHAT EVER HAPPENS, WE WILL BE FINE I FELT GOOD ABOUT IT I EVEN WENT TO THE STORE BUYING STUFF FOR THIS SWEET BIRTH MOM THAT WE HAD NEVER EVEN MET, THE WHOLE THING JUST FELT RIGHT. I FINALLY GOT THE CALL AT 4:30 FROM CHRISTINA'S CASE WORKER SHE TOLD ME THAT CHRISTINA WAS WORRIED CUZ SHE DID NOT HEAR RIGHT BACK FROM HER CASE WORKER SAYING WE WOULD ACCEPT HER BABY SHE TOLD HER DOES NO ONE NOT WANT MY BABY, WHEN SHE TOLD ME THAT I WANTED TO CRY, SHE TOLD ME THAT CHRISTINA COULD NOT WAIT TO MEET US, I TOLD HER WE COULD COME DOWN TOMORROW AND BE THERE FOR THE WEEKEND, THE CASE WORKER SAID SHE COULD NOT DO THIS WEEKEND CUZ SHE HAD SOMETHING I WAS REALLY SAD I WANTED TO MEET HER SO BAD, SO WE PLANNED ON THE FOLLOWING WEEKEND, IT COULD NOT COME SOON ENOUGH. WE LEFT THURSDAY MORNING FOR VEGAS THAT IS WHERE SHE WAS FROM, IT WORKED OUT SO WELL CUZ JOSH'S SISTER LIVES THERE SO WE WOULD STAY WITH THEM. ON OUR WAY THERE ZAK KEPT TALKING ABOUT KAYLEE HE THOUGHT WE WHERE BRINGING HER HOME WITH US. FRIDAY NIGHT MY BROTHER IN LAW WANTED TO GO TO A LATE MOVIE WE SAID OK, DURING THE WHOLE MOVIE I COULD NOT STOPPING THINKING ABOUT SATURDAY. THE PLAN WAS TO MEET CHRISTINA AT IHOP, SHE WANTED TO MEET ZAK, AND THEN AFTER SHE MEET ZAK, HE WOULD STAY FOR A LITTLE BIT THEN JOSH'S SISTER WOULD TAKE ZAK SO THAT WE WOULD HAVE TIME TO TALK WITH JUST HER AND US. WE GOT A CALL FROM THE CASE WORKER SAYING THEY WHERE RUNNING LATE THAT THEY WOULD BE THERE IN 15 MINS, THE WHOLE WAY THERE ALL I FELT WAS PEACE, I WAS REALLY CALM, I KNEW WE LEFT IT IN THE LORDS HANDS. WE GOT THE CALL SAYING THEY WHERE THERE INSIDE WAITING AS I STARTED WALKING INTO IHOP THE TEARS JUST STARTED COMING DOWN. I THOUGHT THIS IS NOT GOOD I HAVE NOT EVEN MEET HER AND I' AM ALREADY CRYING, ZAK HAD FLOWERS FOR HER, WE ALSO HAD GIFTS FOR HER SINCE WE THOUGHT WE MIGHT NOT SEE HER UNTIL SHE'S IN LABOR, I WANTED HER TO HAVE A ROBE, AND P-J'S AND A BAG WITH SOME OTHER LITTLE THINGS TO TAKE WITH HER TO THE HOSPITAL WE GAVE HER A TARGET GIFT CARD, CAFE RIO GIFT CARD. WHEN I WALKED INTO IHOP I MET HER SHE WAS SO PRETTY HER HAIR WAS LONG AND CURLY, SHE HAD CUTE DIMPLES, I KEEP TELLING HER HOW PRETTY SHE WAS WE SAT DOWN SHE MET ZAK HE WAS BEING SHY, SHE LOVED HIM. WHEN WE FIRST SAT DOWN TO TALK IT WAS LIKE I KNEW HER. ITS FUNNY CUZ WITH ZAK'S BIRTH MOM IT'S LIKE YOU ALREADY KNOW THEM. WE TALKED FOR HOURS IN FACT THE WAITRESS HAD TO KEEP COMING AND ASKING US IF WE WHERE READY TO TAKE OUR ORDER. WHEN WE TOLD CHRISTINA WHAT WE WANTED TO NAME THE BABY SHE LOVED IT WE TOLD HER WE WHERE THINKING ANN FOR HER MIDDLE NAME CUZ THAT WAS MY MIDDLE NAME HER JAW DROPPED AND SHE SAID THAT MY MIDDLE NAME AND MY GRANDMA'S WE TOLD HER THAT WAS HER MIDDLE NAME THEN, SHE ALSO TOLD US THAT WHEN HER CASE WORKER GAVE HER 3 DIFFERENT BOOKS TO LOOK AT SHE WAS DRAWN TO OUR SHE SAID SHE LOVED HOW I HAD MADE IT THAT IT WAS SO CREATIVE, SHE SAW ZAK AND SHE SAID I DO MY 2 BOYS HAIR LIKE HIS, SHE LOVED LACY OUR DOG, SHE HAD PLACED ANOTHER LITTLE GIRL TWO YEARS AGO AND THE OTHER COUPLE THAT SHE PLACED THIS LITTLE GIRL WITH WE REMIND HER OF THIS OTHER COUPLE. SHE HAD ALSO PLACED HER LITTLE GIRL THE DAY BEFORE THANKSGIVING TWO YEARS AGO, AND ZAK WAS ALSO PLACED WITH US THE DAY BEFORE THANKSGIVING 5 YEARS AGO. HER B-DAY IS ALSO ON ZAK'S B-DAY WE COULD NOT BELIEVE IT ALL SHE IS A SINGLE MOM TO 4 KIDS, KAYLEE WAS HER SIX CHILD. WHEN SHE ASKED ME TO BE IN THE DELIVER ROOM I COULD NOT BELIEVE IT I FELT HONORED TO BE THERE, TO SEE OUR SWEET BABY GIRL BORN, SHE TOLD ME SHE WANTED ME TO BE THE FIRST TO HOLD HER. I FELT SO BLESSED. I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW MANY TIMES I TOLD HER THAT THERE HAS BEEN SO MANY PEOPLE PRAYING FOR HER, PEOPLE SHE DOES NOT KNOW, THE WHOLE TIME SHE COULD NOT STOP THANKING US, WE OF COURSE TOLD HER NO WE CAN'T THANK YOU ENOUGH, WORDS CAN NEVER EXPRESS OUR GRATITUDE FOR THESE CHRIST LIKE BIRTH MOM'S AND THERE FAMILY'S I GOT TO FEEL KAYLEE MOVE SHE SAID THAT SHE IS SO ACTIVE SHE TOLD ME I BETTER BE PREPARED I TOLD HER I WAS READY. I EVEN BENT DOWN TO HER BELLY AND TALKED TO KAYLEE SAYING HOW EXCITED WE WHERE FOR HER TO COME, SHE TOLD US THAT WHEN I WAS TALKING SHE WAS GOING CRAZY. THE CASE WORKER HAD FORGOT TO BRING THE ULTRA SOUND BUT TOLD US THAT SHE WOULD EMAIL IT TO US I COULD NOT WAIT TO SEE OUR SWEET BABY GIRL. CHRISTINA SAID SHE HAS CHUBBY CHECKS, SHE TOLD US THAT SHE WOULD BE BORN WITH LOTS OF HAIR, AND THAT I COULD PUT A PONY TAIL IN IT. SHE SHOWED US PICTURES OF HER 4 KIDS THEY WHERE SO CUTE. IT WAS SO HARD TO LEAVE HER, I KNEW THAT IT WOULD JUST BE FOR A COUPLE WEEKS THEN I WOULD BE BACK TO TAKE OUR SWEET BABY GIRL HOME. SHE ALSO TOLD US SHE HATED TO GO TO THE DOCTORS AND HOSPITALS, SO SHE NEVER WENT, I WAS A LITTLE WORRIED ABOUT IT BUT THOUGHT THIS IS HER 6 CHILD I AM SURE SHE KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT. A COUPLE DAY'S BEFORE SHE HAD KAYLEE I STARTED THINKING I WISH SHE WOULD JUST GO TO THE DOCTORS, MY MOM AND MOTHER IN LAW WHERE SAYING THE SAME THING AT ONE TIME I EVEN CALLED MY CASE WORKER AND TOLD HER I THINK SHE NEEDED TO GO, SHE TOLD ME SHE WONT, I KEEP TEXTING HER CASE WORKER SAYING MAYBE SHE COULD GO TO THE HOSPITAL THIS WEEKEND CUZ I WAS SO SCARED I WOULD NOT MAKE IT FOR THE DELIVER, SHE TOLD US HER BABY'S COME FAST. I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE I WAS THERE IT WAS HARD TO PLAN CUZ THEY TOLD US TO PLAN ON BEING THERE FOR TWO WEEKS. SO WE WHERE GOING TO LEAVE SATURDAY MORNING, THE CASE WORKER WAS GOING TO TRY AND TAKE HER IN ON FRIDAY AND THEN LET US KNOW, SO THURSDAY NIGHT I WAS CLEANING LIKE YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE MY FLOORS ETC. I WENT UP STAIRS AND READ A EMAIL IT SAID CHRISTINA'S HOSPITAL PLANS, I GOT CHOKED UP AS I READ IT, SHE TOLD US THAT AS SOON AS THEY TELL HER SHE CAN GO HOME SHE GONE, THAT HOW BAD SHE HATES THE HOSPITAL'S AS I READ IT I FELT IT'S GETTING CLOSE, I CALLED MY MOM THEY HAD GONE TO BED SHE THOUGHT I WAS CALLING TO TELL HER THAT CHRISTINA WAS IN LABOR, WE JOKED HOW SHE STILL HAD THINGS, THINGS THAT SHE NEEDED TO GIVE ME BEFORE I LEFT, AND IF I GOT THE CALL IN THE NIGHT SHE WOULD DRIVE FAST TO GET THEM TO ME. I THEN WENT TO BED AND HAD ONLY BEEN IN BED FOR ABOUT A HOUR THE PHONE RANG SAYING CHRISTINA WAS IN LABOR!! I WAS DYING I TOLD THE CASE WORKER I WOULD CATCH A FLIGHT SHE TOLD ME SHE DIDN'T THINK I COULD GET ONE THIS EARLY IN THE MORNING, I WOKE UP JOSH, ZAK WAS SO EXCITED I CALLED MY MOM SHE SAID SHE WOULD MEET ME AT THANKSGIVING POINT WITH THE STUFF I TOLD HER OK, WE HAD TO PICK MY MOTHER IN LAW UP SHE WAS COMING DOWN WITH US, WE NEVER PACKED A CAR SO FAST IN ALL OUR LIVES!! WE LEFT ABOUT 3 IN THE MORNING THE CASE WORKER SAID SHE WOULD KEEP US POSTED I PRAYED HARD THAT ALL WOULD GO WELL FOR CHRISTINA, I HAD A FEELING I WOULD NOT MAKE IT FOR THE DELIVER CUZ WE KNEW HER BABY'S CAME FAST. I WAS JUST THANKFUL WE WHERE GOING TO VEGAS TO BRING HOME KAYLEE. JOSH WAS ROLLING DOWN WHEN WE WHERE ABOUT 20MINS A WAY THE CASE WORKER CALLED AND TOLD US THE WORST NEWS ANY ONE CAN TELL A MOTHER, THAT THE BABY HAD DIED!! WORDS CAN NOT SAY THE HURT OUR LITTLE FAMILY HAS BEEN FEELING WHEN I
SAID THAT SHE DIED ZAK STARTED CRYING SAYING NO MY SISTER, I STARTED DRY HEVEING I COULD NOT TAKE THE NEWS, AND THEN TO SEE ZAK SO SAD HE WAS SO EXCITED FOR HIS SISTER KAY, KAY HE WOULD TELL EVERYONE THAT HIS SISTER WAS COMING. IT WAS HARD TO CALL OUR FAMILY'S THEY TOO WHERE SO EXCITED. I DO KNOW THAT I REMEMBERED THE FIRST PRAYER WHEN WE HEARD ABOUT A BIRTH MOM THAT IT WAS, "HEAVENLY FATHER WE LEAVE IT IN YOUR HANDS WHAT EVER HAPPENS, HAPPENS". IT HAS BEEN REALLY HARD BUT I KNOW I WILL RAISE KAYLEE IN THE NEXT LIFE, THAT SHE WILL BE A PART OF OUR FAMILY. EVERYONE HAS BEEN SO KIND AND DEAR TO OUR FAMILY WE DO FEEL YOUR SWEET PRAYERS ON BEHALF OF OUR FAMILY, THE AGENCY SAID THEY HAD NEVER SEEN THIS. CHRISTINA'S CASE WORKER WAS HAVING A HARD TIME WITH IT AS WELL. SHE TOLD US CHRISTINA LOST SO MUCH BLOOD THEY HAD TO DO A BLOOD TRANSFUSION MY CUTE MOM AND SISTER SAID THEY WOULD FLY OUT I TOLD THEM I WOULD BE HOME SOON MY MOM WENT TO MY SISTER AND THEY JUST CRI ED ALL DAY. A LOT OF MY SISTER'S FRIENDS KNEW ABOUT ME AND FOUND OUT THE BAD NEWS AND WHERE ALL SO KIND TO MY SISTER BRINGING HER THINGS. WE GOT HOME SATURDAY NIGHT MY MOM AND DAD AND MY SISTER CAME OVER, MY DAD AND JOSH GAVE ME A AMAZING BLESSING, WHEN THEY WHERE GIVING ME THE BLESSING ZAK CRAWLED UP IN MY LAP AND PUT HIS HANDS UPON MY HEAD AS WELL I WAS DYING IT WAS SO SPECIAL MY DAD GAVE ME A BEAUTIFUL BLESSING. I WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER THE THINGS HE SAID IN THAT BLESSING. THERE HAS BEEN MANY THINGS THAT I HAVE PONDERED AND THOUGHT ABOUT IT I KNOW THAT BEFORE I CAME DOWN TO THIS EARTH I CHOOSE THESE TRIALS AND AFTER MY DAD GAVE ME THE BLESSING IN MY PATRIARCHAL BLESSING I HAD ALWAYS WONDERED ABOUT SOMETHING IT SAID IN IT AND I KNEW THAT THIS IS WHAT MY PATRIARCHAL BLESSING TALKED ABOUT. WE HAVE BECOME STRONGER AS A FAMILY, I FEEL MY SAVIORS LOVE, IN FACT SOMETIMES I FEEL HIM CARRYING ME. ZAK EVEN TALKS ABOUT WHEN KAYLEE IS RESURRECTED, I HAVE FELT KAYLEE'S SPIRIT HERE IN OUR HOME, ZAK TELLS ME THAT SHE IS HIS GUARDEN ANGEL I BELIEVE IT I KNOW SHE IS LOOKING DOWN ON US, AND THAT SHE IS WITH SO MANY LOVED ONES. I BELIEVE THAT SHE IS PREPARING THE NEXT LITTLE ONE TO COME. RIGHT NOW I TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME. THANKS AGAIN FOR ALL YOUR LOVE AND PRAYERS AND SUPPORT AT THIS HARD TIME.
